Time Stop!: All Psychologists are Crazy.

As a lot of people probably know by now, I attended college as a psychology major. Over the course of my studies I learned not only about being a psychologist but also about some of the unspoken facts on psychologists. I began to realize that most people aren’t cut out for being psychologists but those that are usually have their own odd little tendencies. Basically what I’m trying to get across is that we’re crazy. Now I don’t mean crazy in that same sense that RRR thinks it’s but more along the lines of talking to inanimate objects and teaching classes dressed like Elvis crazy.

While I found the quirks of the psych department to be rather amusing I tried not to hang around there too often as, well, I hate psychologists. I know that sounds odd and I know you must think that I’m judging them, but trust me I’m fairly broken person myself and I’m not in the position to criticize people who are honestly far and away my superiors in the field. What I mean when i say that I hate psychologists is that I know their methods. I know what they’re trying to accomplish and I know how they’re going to do it, and seeing those methods played out on myself comes off as disrespectful. I realize it isn’t but it’s still that feeling of having your intelligence tested within your own field of specialty.

Anyway, it’s actually because I have so many personal issues that I underwent counseling during my time at school. The thing about doing that is that my department head and professor was also my counselor, meaning every Tuesday I would get out of his class and immediately go to his office for a session. If you feel like meeting with a psychologist is awkward as it is, try doing that minutes after taking his class. Also, pray you don’t miss his class…

So, during my first visit to his office I start walking down the hallway and I notice a sort of dull glow from were his office was. I couldn’t see into the office just yet but it made an oddly pink aura around its section of the hallway. Believe it or not I had already passed a previous psychologist’s office that had a life size cut out of Captain Jean-Luc Picard so I was actually not surprised to see a glowing office.

Then I walked in. Adorned along every wall of the office reaching up to the ceiling where boxes and boxes of Barbies. Hundreds of them, some in boxes some not in boxes. All in different variations and what have you. For the first few seconds it was like my mind hit a brick wall. This man, who was the head of the Psychology Department and well into his fifties, had his professional office lined to the ceiling with Barbies.

Now I don’t have a problem with collectors. For crying out loud I work for RRR. That being said there are some collections you just don’t expect from certain people, and especially not to see said collections intertwined with their professional life. A profession, mind you, that is centered around helping the mental states of other people. Also as an added bonus for his patients he has all of the dolls posed in such a way that they’re staring, dead eyed, at the middle of the office where the people being counseled would sit.

I didn’t say a word to him about it. Believe it or not I like to be fairly civil in real life so I’m not going to just blatantly call someone out on their hobbies. Eventually though, after about half an hour into the session he looks around his room and tells me, “You know, you’re probably the only person to never question the Barbies in my room. Most people ask immediately.”

I honestly think I just went “Yeah…”, I didn’t really know what to say and I was a little surprised that I was the only one NOT to mention them. Eventually he told me that the Barbies were more of a running joke between him and his sons and that it just developed into a collection. He then said that actually had far more at home and that the ones at his office were just the common Barbies that he used for decoration.

Now for the creepy part. I don’t usually go into details like this but I kind of have to with this story so if you’re I dunno under the age of 13 and still find the idea of boobs icky then don’t read any further. Everyone else, though, probably just winced at the idea of what’s coming next.

So, this professor was married and his wife was also a psychologist and also worked for the university’s psych department. Her specialty? The psychology of human sexuality. Now, at this time my friend Sara was taking her Human Sexuality course and lets just say that this professor wasn’t easily put to shame. Apparently the professor was very open about her own sex life in class and my friend Sara had a little bit of information for me after my first session.

Apparently the two heavily hinted towards “fooling around” on a chair in his office. Three terrible things dawned on me after I heard this:

1) That’s my professor and I now have an image in my head I’ll never get out.

2)I had a fifty/fifty percent chance that one of the chairs I was sitting in during my counseling session was THE chair. I also remember it being duct-taped together as if it had been recently broken…

3)All of the Barbies were staring directly at the chairs.

Go ahead and take the time to shudder at the awful thought I have just shared with all of you. I know that this kind of thing doesn’t make him crazy. You have to understand, though, so many weird things like this happened in the psych department that it just became a general fact that every psych major on campus was just as balls insane. The sad thing is that I can’t deny that.

Yeah, I’m weird. I realize I might not come off that way online but you don’t actually get to see all of the little habits I have, my quirks and faults. It’s something I’ve noticed that most psychologists are just disturbed or troubled as their patients, whether it’s in ways that are harmful to them or are just reflected through a massive Barbie collection.

That being said we’re all pretty weird in our own ways. I’ve met a lot of people in my life who often surprise me the more I got to know them. Everyone’s got their own character, their own quirks and that’s honestly part of the reason I’m a psychologist. I love those little habits that people have, whether they’re good or bad. I know I don’t look at people in the most sincere of ways and I’m usually more willing to hurt a persons feelings than I’d like to admit but I can’t deny how much I like the oddities that hide beneath each and every one of us. And hey, if we all weren’t a little crazy then I’d never have the chance to tell these kinds of stories.

-Aresol-

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