Time Stop!: Walking at Night, Mugger’s Delight.

In my first post I mentioned that one of my methods for relieving stress is to go for a walk around my neighborhood. It’s been a habit of mine for quite a few years now and on quite a few of my walks I would have my buddy Bill along. This was usually our dedicated time to talk and hang out and unlike most of my friends this was probably the most normal way I’ve ever gotten to know someone.

The thing about our walks around town, though, was that they’d often go well into the night. Meaning that we’d be walking around our home town at around midnight with faulty street lamps scattered throughout. Some of you are probably guessing where this story is going but believe it or not this actually wasn’t that dangerous. My home town is a rather small one, about 14000 people total if you count livestock, and the street of the town were often rather empty, especially at night. So in our several years of doing this we rarely ran into trouble. But of course, if nothing bad ever happened to us then I wouldn’t be writing about this, would I.

So around the beginning of the summer, just after my first year of college, we were out on the town around eleven at night. As I stated previously the town’s lighting is pretty bad, so around certain areas the lights would randomly go out and it would get fairly dark. Just so happens that the lights go out around us all the freaking time.

Anyway, we’re walking through the town park and we weren’t having that serious of a conversation but we were invested in it. All of a sudden this little douche bag comes up behind us with probably the dumbest stick up line ever.

Mugger: “Yo homie, wanna get robbed?”

He stood there in a black hoodie and a bandanna over his face and sunglasses over his eyes. He had a protrusion from within the pocket of his jacket which I had assumed to just be his finger int he shape of a gun. He looked absolutely ridiculous for someone trying to rob another person, especially the glasses. Very smooth. He was really laughing so whether or not this was just some idiot making a joke wasn’t quite clear. Though, lets be honest, saying “Yo homie, wanna get robbed?” doesn’t exactly strike you as being serious.

So here’s the thing, I don’t really act the way a normal person does when someone tries to intimidate them. I mean, this little idiot wasn’t doing a very good job of it but regardless I think my inert reaction would’ve been the same. I laugh. Anytime that anyone has gotten in my face, threatened me, or anything of the sort my first instinct is to laugh. I don’t know what it is but I find the act of intimidation funny because it’s such a noticeable act. Even in actual fights were I’ve gotten hurt I’ve always laughed at the opponents threats before hand.

As for my friend Bill, he’s usually a pretty lax guy and I had thought that he’d have the same reaction. Not really, Bill actually looked rather annoyed to my surprise. So needless to say, with one of us finding this humorous and the other finding it annoying we certainly caught the guy a little off guard.

Bill: “Yeah, no thanks.”

With that Bill began to walk away and I followed in turn still quietly chuckling to myself. After a couple of steps I looked back at the guy still standing there looking somewhat confused. We didn’t walk far before he spoke again.

Mugger: “I’m serious, man. Come on give me your money!”

Bill: “Stop acting stupid. We’re not amused by you’re little gag.”

Me: “Should probably lose the get up and come back when you learn how to mug a person like an adult.”

After that Bill and I continue to walk away and the supposed mugger gets impatient and throws what he had in his pocket at us. He ended up missing but we noticed that it was nothing more than a plastic cap gun. We didn’t bother seeing if he walked away as we continued to make our way out of the park. Bill had lightened up a bit after that and we were laughing and cracking jokes about the whole thing as we continued our walk.

A couple of weeks later Bill and I met up again and he informed me that he had told one of his school friends about the event. Apparently this friend of his has connection to the radio DJs within the town that they attended college. One of these DJs had told the story over the radio, to one of the most populated cities in Illinois, about how two small town guys told off a mugger and succeeded.

I realize that I’m probably making an attempted mugging sound like a minor thing and I assure you that it isn’t. I’ve had friends who’ve gotten mugged and it’s a very serious deal. This story just happened to be a unique case about two guys, who should’ve been easy targets, that just so happened to tell off a rather incompetent mugger. Why did we do it? Well, he interrupted our walk.

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